Turbulence in Translation

Disclaimer: This entry is meant to demonstrate how irrational I have felt at times.  If you said the words I mention, please know I was not truly offended at all and I very much appreciate your support and friendship <3

I began fretting about my kids leaving for college the day of senior high school registration.  Until senior year, childhood had been about celebrating firsts.  First words, first steps, first lost teeth, first dates...even some bad "firsts" were note worthy...first colds, first skinned knees, first heartbreaks.  The "firsts" etched themselves on my heart and left me with promises of more childhood milestones.  Senior year reared an ugly head that left me reeling.  Senior year was suddenly about "lasts"...last homecoming, last musical, last performance with their younger brother, last prom, last night sleeping in their beds as my baby girl and baby boy.  Every "last" during their senior year drove the knife of their imminent absence deeper.  Of course, as a woman often does, I turned to my friends for comfort.  Some of my friends also had children preparing to graduate and cried with me. Some only had younger children but cried with me at just the thought of what they were to eventually face.  Some had been through it before and cried with me because they still grieve for the time of the "firsts".  I am eternally grateful to those ladies who shared in my sorrow.  However, there were moments when my clarity wasn't what it should be. There were moments when well meaning friends left me with my fists balled at my sides, huffing small tugs of breath, while biting my razor tongue and concealing my momentary insanity.

"You still have two more at home." No kidding asshole!  I also have two kidneys and two arms.  If I lost one of either, I'd be pretty damned upset!  Don't you think I am aware that I have two more wonderful babies at home? Guess what!  Two things. 1. I am also having two babies LEAVE home. 2. This means eventually the other 2 babies will leave as well!!! Shut up.

"But you must be so proud." No kidding again!  Of course I'm proud; I'm proud beyond words at the wonderful, beautiful, amazing people my children have become.  Which means I really enjoy their company...the company that is LEAVING. Shut up.

"You gave them wings; you raised them to be wonderful adults."  Ummm, wishing I could clip those suckers about now.  Shut up.

"Don't worry; they are going to do amazing." Listen up.  I am NOT worried.  Of course they will do well; these are my babies.  I didn't say I was worried; I said I was sad.  Do you have reason to believe my children might not succeed? How dare you insult my babies. Shut up. (I realize this one is exceptionally irrational...extreme Prozac moment here.)

Now, don't get me wrong.  These people are good, kind people; they are all still my dear (and quite patient) friends.  I know they meant to be comforting, supportive and complimentary; the same words at a different moment in time would have been exactly those things.  It's just that at that very moment,  somewhere on the road of synapses headed toward my rational brain their "reassuring" words were detoured by my broken heart and hit just a bit of turbulence in translation.